?

Log in

Previous Entry | Next Entry

Brushback Pitch

It's simple. Breathe in and out, don't let him get to you, just keep your head down and focus. He is nothing, you can do this.

I kept the mantra repeating in my brain, ignoring my hands shaking on the wheel as I drove to work.

You can do this, he's just a blow hard. If you didn't make him angry you would be just fine.

Two years of near constant abuse from my boss had turned my daily commute into a nightmare. Every inch closer to the parking lot made me more nauseated. I swallowed hard as my skin prickled with cold sweat and kept driving.

"You're incompetent and useless." His voice began to interrupt my thoughts. "Get the fuck out. What is wrong with you. Are you special needs?"

I began to panic, his voice crashing in my mind like an endless ocean. "You're worthless, you're terrible, you're -"

I felt the crunch of my tires on the gravel and the tilt of the car as I broke free of the panic, just in time to see the telephone pole and ditch I had been aiming my car towards.

I immediately corrected my car's trajectory and pulled over to the shoulder.

I sat in silence for a moment before bursting into tears.

I had purposely aimed for the pole.

I called my doctor for an emergency appointment, called in sick and never went back.

Comments

( 30 comments — Leave a comment )
rswndrlst
Dec. 16th, 2016 07:00 pm (UTC)
If this is a true story I'm really glad you never went back and I've learned that reporting someone to HR is waaaay better than putting up with bullshit no matter what. Powerful tale, glad she made it through.

lostin_thestars
Dec. 16th, 2016 07:35 pm (UTC)
Unfortunately is a true story. I reported him to both my HR and my Union Rep and was told to not make him angry. It was a horrid experience and one I am so glad to have put behind me.
j0ydivided
Dec. 17th, 2016 07:36 am (UTC)
Because obviously, if you just didn't make him angry, it would be fine. UGH. I'm glad you escaped!
lostin_thestars
Dec. 18th, 2016 06:29 pm (UTC)
Yep.

I have been told several times I could have sued, but I was just happy to be gone.
rayaso
Dec. 16th, 2016 07:17 pm (UTC)
I am also assuming this is true. What a horrible thing to have happened -- getting out was the best thing you could have done for yourself. Working for a boss like that can be so damaging.
lostin_thestars
Dec. 16th, 2016 07:35 pm (UTC)
I struggled under him for 2 years and while being unemployed was hard it was the most freeing thing I have ever done. Thank you :)
adoptedwriter
Dec. 16th, 2016 08:25 pm (UTC)
What a shit head! (I can't think of a better word!)
I've had job-abuse, but nothing like that. Wow!
Glad you got free of that.
lostin_thestars
Dec. 16th, 2016 08:47 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I'm so much happier now
eternal_ot
Dec. 17th, 2016 03:30 pm (UTC)
*Hugs* Glad that it's in the past and happy that you opted out. My mom suffered a horrible boss and got the same reaction when she tried reporting about him. She took an early retirement and never regrets it. Take care.<3
lostin_thestars
Dec. 18th, 2016 06:31 pm (UTC)
I'm glad she got out!!
bleodswean
Dec. 17th, 2016 04:31 pm (UTC)
and never went back. An ending that gives hope in the face of such a hopeless relationship! This was a very immediate piece of writing.
lostin_thestars
Dec. 18th, 2016 06:30 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much!
magazhchi
Dec. 18th, 2016 06:18 am (UTC)

What a jerk!!! Good decisions taken. Happy to know you are safe. *hugs*



Edited at 2016-12-18 06:19 am (UTC)
lostin_thestars
Dec. 18th, 2016 06:30 pm (UTC)
Thank you!
magazhchi
Dec. 18th, 2016 06:19 am (UTC)

What a jerk!!! Good decisions taken. Happy to know you are safe. *hugs*

encrefloue
Dec. 18th, 2016 03:42 pm (UTC)
What a harrowing experience that must have been. I can't abide people who feel the need to denigrate and humiliate others like that.
lostin_thestars
Dec. 18th, 2016 06:30 pm (UTC)
He was a first class jerk, and nothing has changed according to the people I know still working for him.
encrefloue
Dec. 20th, 2016 02:39 pm (UTC)
Awful. So glad you removed yourself from his presence.
sinnamongirl
Dec. 19th, 2016 06:32 pm (UTC)
Thank you for your entry!
lostin_thestars
Dec. 20th, 2016 04:24 pm (UTC)
Thanks! I love your icon!
sinnamongirl
Dec. 20th, 2016 06:59 pm (UTC)
Thank you!
penpusher
Dec. 20th, 2016 07:09 am (UTC)
You are very brave for confronting the story and for sharing it, but most of all for getting away, safely.
lostin_thestars
Dec. 20th, 2016 04:24 pm (UTC)
Thank you
halfshellvenus
Dec. 20th, 2016 07:44 am (UTC)
I worked for an angry, abusive boss once, and while it wasn't this bad, it was awful. I became toxic with adrenaline in the weeks before I quit, and I absorbed so many of his messages that were more about him than me.

I'm so glad you snapped out of it before hitting that pole, and I'm glad you quit. Your HR department was even more useless than mine-- telling someone to simply "not make their boss angry" when the boss is unreasonably moody and vicious is really putting the responsibility on the wrong person.

I hope you feel better now that this is past.
lostin_thestars
Dec. 20th, 2016 04:24 pm (UTC)
It did follow me to my next two jobs. I was utterly terrified of making any sort of mistake, I couldn't make it past the probation period at either one I was so frozen. A little over a year later I am at a job I absolutely adore, and one they love me at too.
murielle
Dec. 20th, 2016 09:35 am (UTC)
How utterly awful! I've had my share of horrible bosses, but this one takes the cake. Good for you for getting help, and dumping that job and your Swimming With Sharks awful boss.

Very well written!
lostin_thestars
Dec. 20th, 2016 04:24 pm (UTC)
Thank you
my_name_is_jenn
Dec. 20th, 2016 07:56 pm (UTC)
I used to work with a woman who would stand behind me, breathing over my neck while I was doing stuff and constantly shout, "You're doing it wrong! I wanted it this way! Change it now!!!" while I was still working on the project. No amount of "I'm not done yet, I'm just throwing things out there to get a feel for them. I'll fix it in a moment" would keep her silent.

I'm sorry you had to deal with such an awful boss, and I'm glad you're out now.
xlovebecomesher
Dec. 20th, 2016 08:51 pm (UTC)
I'm glad you never went back!
bewize
Dec. 20th, 2016 09:46 pm (UTC)
Oh, lord. This rang such a bell for me, having been in a nearly identical situation, with exactly the same awful "out" in mind...

I'm so very sorry.

And I'm so glad that you found a different way out.
( 30 comments — Leave a comment )

Profile

Writing
lostin_thestars
Light in the Darkness
My heart was broken open over and over and over again... and it just kept getting bigger.

It's time to either grow up, or disintegrate.

'What makes the desert beautiful,' said the little prince, 'is that it hides a well somewhere.'

To write love on her arms

You risk tears if you let yourself be tamed.

I want to do to you what spring does with the cherry trees.

The books that help you most are those which make you think that most. The hardest way of learning is that of easy reading; but a great book that comes from a great thinker is a ship of thought, deep freighted with truth and beauty.

To whatever end.

I would not deny you, but by this good day, I yield upon great persuasion, and partly to save your life, for I was told you were in a consumption.

Always.
Powered by LiveJournal.com
Designed by Paulina Bozek