The lake at dawn was beautiful. Crystal clear, smooth and silent, Camille drank in the scenic panorama. She glanced at the man resting next to her and smiled.

The night they had spent together had been amazing. The harvest moon cast a golden glow on her lover’s skin. Waves lapped rhythmically against the sand, mirroring the rhythm of their love making. Everything up to that moment had been amazing.

The stars still twinkled merrily in the slowly lightening sky, a fading reminder of a night spent in lust. Camille stood and stretched; it was time.

“Wake up, Darling.” She whispered sensually in his ear.

He stirred beneath her and drowsily gave her a smile. “Ready for more so soon?”

Camille lowered her self on to him, grabbing his hands in hers. “I’m always ready for this.” She kissed his forehead tenderly, pinning his arms beneath her as she reached for the nylon rope in her duffel bag. She game him a feral grin, “let’s play a game...”



The lake was quiet again, the sun had finally risen over the mountains, bathing the earth in early morning light. Camille watched as the ripples on the lake’s surface spread, and finally dissipated. The look on his face as she wrapped the cord around his arms and then his neck had only increased her lust for the kill. Disposing of his body had been easy with the lake nearby. Nothing to do now but sit back and watch the sunrise.

Hey there! It's that time again, and I am so THANKFUL for all of the gifts in my life that I am passing on some increidble Mary Kay deals to all of my wonderful clients and my friends.

Also I have a special of LJers, any LJer who orders will get a free lipstick or gloss of their choice!

The biggest shopping day of the year is here, and you are in for such a treat! You can receive discounts on your orders during different times of the day.

My voicemail, website and e-mail record the time and date on all incoming messages. (707-236-7789 www.marykay.com/tessa.rawlinson tessa.rawlinson@marykay.com)

The earlier you shop, the more you can save. The sales start at 6 a.m. PST on Friday the 27th, so don’t get silly and shop at midnight Wednesday thinking you’ll get a jump on it! But don’t lose hope if you can’t get up and shop by 6 a.m.! There are different ways to save money that day.

This annual shop-a-thon will begin at 6 a.m. and end at 8 p.m. The discounts will start at 6 a.m. and end at noon. Here’s how the discount works -

Call or e-mail in your order between:
6am - 6:59 am...30% discount
7am - 7:59 am...25% discount
8am - 8:59 am...20% discount
9am - 9:59 am...15% discount
10am - 10:59 am...10% discount
11am - 11:59 am... 5% discount

From noon to 8pm, you will still have a chance to save 100% in the drawing! ALL persons placing orders will be put into a drawing. One lucky winner will be selected
and have that order FREE!
Let me help you this Holiday Season. I have a lot of "Stocking Stuffer" and Gift ideas that I can suggest to you. Shop from home and SAVE BIG! You can avoid fighting the lines at a retail store, can shop in your PJs, and enjoy the quiet at home!!!

Remember:

I GIFT WRAP
I DELIVER (or SHIP free of charge)
I CUSTOMIZE
I SAVE YOU GAS, TIME AND MONEY
I MAKE YOUR LIFE EASIER
ALL PRODUCTS ARE 100% SATISFACTION GUARANTEED

Additionally, as a way to give back to the community, if you'd like to help me with my Mary Kay unit's mission to give gifts to the elderly at a Convalescent Hospital in Novato, Let me know! Your donation of $25 will mean the world to one patient - he or she may not have family or friends to show that they are appreciated at the Holiday Season. Your gift to the adoptee will include a Hand Cream, Intense Moisturizing Night Cream, a pair of tube socks and a cuddly plush stuffed animal.

--
Did you know that Mary Kay has over 90 products for $10 or less? I also offer free or discounted products to my fabulous clients when they meet with me. With Mary Kay Cosmetics, it's easy to look and feel like a Million Bucks without breaking the bank!

Want to know how you can get in on the deals? Give me a call, send me an email, or visit my Mary Kay Personal Website.

Hey there! It's that time again, and I am so THANKFUL for all of the gifts in my life that I am passing on some increidble Mary Kay deals to all of my wonderful clients and my friends.

Also I have a special of LJers, any LJer who orders will get a free lipstick or gloss of their choice!

The biggest shopping day of the year is here, and you are in for such a treat! You can receive discounts on your orders during different times of the day.

My voicemail, website and e-mail record the time and date on all incoming messages. (707-236-7789 www.marykay.com/tessa.rawlinson tessa.rawlinson@marykay.com)

The earlier you shop, the more you can save. The sales start at 6 a.m. PST on Friday the 27th, so don’t get silly and shop at midnight Wednesday thinking you’ll get a jump on it! But don’t lose hope if you can’t get up and shop by 6 a.m.! There are different ways to save money that day.

This annual shop-a-thon will begin at 6 a.m. and end at 8 p.m. The discounts will start at 6 a.m. and end at noon. Here’s how the discount works -

Call or e-mail in your order between:
6am - 6:59 am...30% discount
7am - 7:59 am...25% discount
8am - 8:59 am...20% discount
9am - 9:59 am...15% discount
10am - 10:59 am...10% discount
11am - 11:59 am... 5% discount

From noon to 8pm, you will still have a chance to save 100% in the drawing! ALL persons placing orders will be put into a drawing. One lucky winner will be selected
and have that order FREE!
Let me help you this Holiday Season. I have a lot of "Stocking Stuffer" and Gift ideas that I can suggest to you. Shop from home and SAVE BIG! You can avoid fighting the lines at a retail store, can shop in your PJs, and enjoy the quiet at home!!!

Remember:

I GIFT WRAP
I DELIVER (or SHIP free of charge)
I CUSTOMIZE
I SAVE YOU GAS, TIME AND MONEY
I MAKE YOUR LIFE EASIER
ALL PRODUCTS ARE 100% SATISFACTION GUARANTEED

Additionally, as a way to give back to the community, if you'd like to help me with my Mary Kay unit's mission to give gifts to the elderly at a Convalescent Hospital in Novato, Let me know! Your donation of $25 will mean the world to one patient - he or she may not have family or friends to show that they are appreciated at the Holiday Season. Your gift to the adoptee will include a Hand Cream, Intense Moisturizing Night Cream, a pair of tube socks and a cuddly plush stuffed animal.

--
Did you know that Mary Kay has over 90 products for $10 or less? I also offer free or discounted products to my fabulous clients when they meet with me. With Mary Kay Cosmetics, it's easy to look and feel like a Million Bucks without breaking the bank!

Want to know how you can get in on the deals? Give me a call, send me an email, or visit my Mary Kay Personal Website.

Today I had to say goodbye to one of my best friends.

The one who danced with me, always made me smile, who was there when my heart was broken, and when I thought my world was ending.

I was there to hold her as we said our good byes, all of us tearful.


I love you Sammy-girl. You were the best dog a girl could ever have, and life will never be the same without your smiling, doggy face, and your comforting paw in my lap.






I will miss you terribly.



Sammy-Jo 2001-2009 RIP

The doorbell rang twice at precisely noon. I waited patiently for the third buzz signaling a customer before venturing over to the front door to spy through the peep hole and see what my fishing net had brought in today. He was marginally handsome, and definitely was a good 20-30 years older than myself, but that didn’t matter, all I needed to do was make him feel like he was the only man on earth for a few hours.

Growing up in a large catholic family, it never occurred to me that sex was a way to earn money. It was the ultimate taboo. Your sexuality and virginity were a gift from God, and it was the ULTIMATE sin to share those things with anyone but your husband. So why is it, nine years after I hit puberty, I was laying here on my back, encouraging a man twice my age to enjoy the fruits of my body.

I keep this aspect of my life carefully hidden. I played the goody two-shoes at church; the angelic, perfect teenager, singing in the choir, volunteering at retreats, participating in church ministries, and working as a dishwasher for the men’s club. Never, for a moment, would any of those parishioners have thought that I was also a prostitute.

I’ve never been a traditional perfect beauty. Always a bit too short, too generously curved: dangerously teetering on the edge of fat, and no amount of body giving, volumizing shampoo or hair product could make my long pin straight hair do anything but lie flat against my head. But to those I catered to, none of that mattered. At twenty years old, my May-December flings kept my family fed, and my daughter clothed. My soon to be ex husband knows exactly what I did to make ends meet. In fact he encouraged it. If I played my cards right, I could easily pay our rent in one afternoon. In a way, this makes it feel worse, that instead of going out and looking for a job, he could whore out his wife to older gentlemen looking to recapture their youth.

I had a few regulars, mainly those who wanted a typical school girl fantasy. Men in their sixties, wanting to be the principal who caught the head cheerleader masturbating in the girl’s locker room, or the boss punishing the secretary. I became adept at filling their needs and desires before they even knew what they wanted.

I’ve always been fascinated with human sexuality. What makes us tick, what fuels our desire to reproduce, how evolution has conditioned us to find certain waist to hip ratios that would define a build made for child bearing or a good provider. But then there are those of us, who for the right amount of coin, and for all the right or wrong reasons, will put desire and conditioning aside, to support a family.

Does being a sex worker make me a bad person? Maybe to some people. But I can only answer to my own conscience. And looking back I would do it all again to make sure my daughter had food to eat.

“Don’t hold your breath, Smidge. Breathe. Now push!”

It had been 18 hours since her labor had started, and my sister was drenched in sweat and panting as she began to push.  Her fiancé had one leg, my mom the other, and I was at her head supporting her back as she curled around her belly and strained.

“One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten! Now, breathe again.” The nurse chanted over and over as my sister dropped back to her laying position, waiting for the contraction to start again.

*****

The lobby was cold as Angela, my soon to be sister in law, and I paced the floor. We had been kicked out of the room. My sister and her fiancé ready to try to get through this on their own now that she had mastered the rhythm of delivery. She and I met eyes and shared a nervous smile. We were both worried. It had been nearly six hours since Tiffany had started pushing, and my niece was no closer to birth. We knew it was a matter of time before more drastic measures were taken.

*****

Another two hours later and I’m pacing a different hallway. Angela and my mom are pacing with me, every now and again we stop and whisper comforting words to one another, but mostly the hallway is shrouded in silence.

Then the strong cry of a newborn is clearly heard behind closed doors and Angela and I burst into tears. 37 hours of labor, finally at an end.

The new daddy comes out of the double doors carrying a tiny pink bundle. His face split with a huge grin, eyes only for his daughter, and tears streaming down his cheeks.  The three of us rush up to him, eager to see Ciara for the first time.

I take one look at her tiny, beautiful face, with its pink rosebud mouth opened in a yawn, and watch as she settles into an almost smile. I fall permanently, irrevocably, and completely in love.

How could I think

That this would last

And how can I imagine

Such a thing as stability

And how do you look

When your toes curl

Underneath your nervousness

And how do you love me

When you don’t say anything

At all.

 

I am the fool here

For painting such a good picture

Of how things would be,

Between you and me

So when the picture fades

And colors wash out

I am left with empty hands

And lingering smoke again

 

I watched for you in my review mirror

And I smiled when I finally saw you

But I lost sight of you

When you turned away from me

To go and be with yourself

To sit in your head and

Count your own your stars

But may I remind you

I love you and

I’m not that far away

 

So do what you will

Guess I won’t place any bets on us

I’ve got my cards out on the table

And this whole game is skewed with trust

And who’s got the angle

And it doesn’t really matter now

‘Cause I will give my love

Just don’t take it for granted

If you liked my entry this week, please vote for me!

I'm in tribe 2: http://community.livejournal.com/therealljidol/264520.html

He handed me his ring last night. “I’ll put it back on when you call me to come home.” Smug and so sure of himself, as if he knew I couldn’t stand the silence and emptiness of the house.

 

The ring is in my jewelry box and he’s gone. I’m left with the reminders of a once happy marriage. Pictures of smiling faces, panoramic shots of the mountains where we fell in love, snow still on the peaks, even in the harsh heat of summer. We climbed those mountains together. Earthly metaphors for our ever growing love.

 

Sitting in my empty kitchen, I reflect on all the times we danced together on the tile. George Strait on the radio, bare feet toe to toe, and my head on his shoulder. Then the memories fade, replaced with angry words, accusations, and shattered glass.

 

Love is an amazing thing. When it begins, its a dizzying climb to the highest of clouds.

 

When it ends, it’s a struggle to pull yourself out of that despair and hurt, and begin the uphill path again to the top of your mountain.

 

He handed me his ring last night and left today. And so I begin my journey back up to the beckoning peaks.

“Why do you make me so angry, Tessa Christine?”

 I sank down lower in the passenger seat of my grandmother’s Toyota Camry. I hoped that by making myself smaller I would soothe his burning rage, much like a submissive wolf exposing neck and belly.

 “If you would just pay more attention, none of this would have happened.”

 I closed my eyes, desperately hoping the feelings of despair and fear would dissipate. As always, it was my own fault.

 *****

 

It was my 14^th birthday and the start of a three day weekend with my father. The air had none of the chill that signaled the impending autumn, and the prospect of a weekend at the beach warmed me even more than the sun on my shoulders. I burst through the door of my grandmother’s house, excited for whatever party had been planned.

 My dad was adamant that homework should be done before he got to my grandmother’s so he could command my full attention all weekend. I quickly got to work, not wanting to disappoint him. I had nearly finished when I noticed that my math book was missing, just as my dad walked in the door. I asked him if we could stop by my mom’s on the way out of town.

 “Call your mother,” he said, his face beginning to darken. “Tell her to bring your book to Sea Ranch.”

 “Dad, that’s three hours out of her way. The house is only five minutes from here; wouldn’t it be easier to just go over there and get on the road?”

 The second the words left my lips I knew I had made a critical mistake. I watched as his fists balled up in anger, knowing that I wouldn’t be able to escape his ire.

 “Michael, don’t start; it’s her birthday.” My grandmother, ever the peacemaker, tried to intervene on my behalf. It was as if she had waved a red cape in front of a charging bull. He flushed a deep crimson and raised his fists as he advanced on her, fear clouding her eyes as we both realized that she had gone one step too far.

 Without thinking I ran between them, straightening up to my full height of five feet, the injustice of the situation propelling me to action. “Don’t you dare touch her, Daddy. It isn’t right for you to hit your mother.”

 The details of what happened next are still fuzzy to me. Fear, pain, and confusion reign over the memory.

 He grabbed me by the hair, tangling his fingers in it at the base of my skull and pulled me into the back bedroom. Clumps of my hair ripped loose from my scalp as he flung me onto the bed and began to beat me. I tried to protect myself, but he landed blows all over my face, arms, and belly. I’ve blocked out all further recollections up until the car ride to the beach.

 

*****

 

“I’m sorry, Baby,” he said, ruffling my hair, “you’ve just got to be less forgetful.”

 I looked out the window, my reflection visible against the darkening glass. My eye was almost swollen shut, the bruising already beginning to spread along my brow bone and cheek.

 “Say, it’s your birthday; let’s go get you a present, “his voice full of cheer as he turned into the used book store parking lot. He bought a 25-cent novel for me; a peace offering he used every time he beat me, as if he could buy my love, my obedience, and my silence. I wish I could say that was the first and only time he hit me.

 It wasn’t.

 Every holiday he buys me a book, and every time I feel a bit empty inside.

 
They’re just his pretty promises, written in blood and tears, and delivered on the pages of a dime store novel.

 

The voting is up for this first week of therealljidol.

Vote for your favorites!

I'm throwing my hat in for LJ Idol Season 6!

Wanna join too?  Go here: http://community.livejournal.com/therealljidol/256751.html

I am a mother fucking champ bitches!!!

Today was proof for me that even oversleeping, missing my shower, having to stop half way to work to turn around and pick up the hubby cause he ran out of gas, dropping him off at work and then heading back to work, throwing myself into 3 labor intensive projects, almost forgetting lunch, and being out of coffee.... can't hold me back.   I cranked out all three projects in record time, and delivered the final reports to the County with a half hour to spare.



I am the goddamned Batman.

My nephew Tai is in a picture contest, please vote for him!!

 www.annamayer.com/2008-image-contest/ He is in the picture titled: "Peek"!!

Happy Birthday Gorgeous!! - gratefuladdict 

Thanks to tessibean  and fresh_tart .  You guys rocked my socks with Paid Time love

Love to wookiewife  too, y'all are good chicas!!

My paid time just ran out.

At this time I can't justify renewing the paid account until at least April.  This sucks.


D:

working on a new story, much darker than I've ever done before and not based in a fantasy world.


I'm almost a bit afraid to pursue it.